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:: CATWOMAN ::
:: TREASURED MEMORIES ::
.June 2005.
.July 2005.
.August 2005.
.September 2005.
.October 2005.
.November 2005.
.December 2005.
.January 2006.
.February 2006.
.March 2006.
.April 2006.
.May 2006.
.June 2006.
I seriously shld be asleep right now cos i have a check-up later at 8am. It's not that im not sleepy. I noe that if i were to put my head on my pillow, i'll drift off to la-la land in a matter of seconds.
I guess i have been doing too much thinking lately...
There's a reason for everything. Pokok tidak akan bergoyang jika tiada angin (is that the right peribahasa? the last time i took malay was in sec 4).
I had my reasons for doing what i did. I did that simply because... i let my heart rule over me. When it comes to certain things... certain aspects of my life, i let my heart make the decision. Thankfully it's not a major aspect of my life and it doesnt occur often. Trust me. When i make decisions using my heart, most of the time i'll regret doing it.
I've always made decisions using my head. I will try and weigh the issue. See the rationale in things. Then at the end of the day, i'll just let the matter rest because im not the type who makes a big hoo-ha out of things.
So recently... i did smth. I just went along with what my heart told me without even for a second consulting my head. Right at that moment when that thing was said to me although i knew it wasnt meant that way, i came to a decision. Just like that. I didnt even bother to sit down, take a breather and think properly. Using my head.
So did that decision cost me anything? That is smth i shall keep to myself. If u really wana noe, then well ask me urself.
As i sat thinking... i realized the decision i came to wasnt a fair one. And then i thought deeper. About other stuff. All those minute details combined and became a bigger picture and... truth to be told... i got scared. I felt the pressure.
I wish i can noe wat is in store for me
I wish i can see the future
I wish i can noe if the sacrifices im making are right now are gona be worth it
I wish i can noe everything
But being humans... being a weak Human... of course i do not have such abilities. If i do, then where's the thrill in living right? Where's the thrill in living life to the fullest? Where's the thrill in treasuring whatever i have right now right?
I noe my post has been pretty vague. All of u can only see the big picture. "Yes Azreen made a decision using her heart and she seems troubled by it".
Blogging about this isnt exactly making me feel better. Bcos the person that this post is intended for... probably wun figure it out. I still feel as if im keeping a huge secret inside of me. There's this heavy feeling in my heart.
I can safely tell u that... only one particular decision that i came to using my heart hasnt been a regret for me at all. That is saying "Yes" to Ansari. Other than that i think i shld stick to making decisions using my head.
Bleeeeeeeaaaah. Im really not feeling any better about it. Gossssh. And it's funny how ive been thinking about this serious issue but those notti cheeky thots are still stuck in my head.
Notti notti Az...
U noe what? I shldnt mull over it anymore. It's driving me nutz and i think i shld write it in a letter and explain myself to that particular person. So for now i shld click the "Publish Post" button and log off from MSN, switch off the laptop and continue with those notti cheeky thots of mine.
Notti cheeky thots at this time of the night?? Ohhh i soooooo welcome them with open arms...
