is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without*]...[*LOVE doesn't make the world go around*]...[*It's what makes the ride worthwhile*]...[*You can look all over for LOVE but you won't be able to find it*]...[*You can't see LOVE, you must feel it*]...[*LOVE is afterall only a word*]...[*Until you meet SOMEONE who gives it a meaning*]...[*SOMEONE who shows you what LOVE is*]...[*I've met that SOMEONE*].......................[*LOVE

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

And so Ansari had a night's out today. Which means that he got a chance to get out of Tekong just now.

I told him my exam results then I shamelessly asked for a present. To which he said:

"Another 2% you dah boleh dapat 80% so no present for you"

After which I labelled him pelokek (but of course he is very generous to me all the time) and for that, he actually asked me what I wanted.

Then silly, silly me had to tell him that I didn't want anything except for a nice, sweet kiss from him the next time I see him. Priceless! So now I'm regretting whatever I said just now because right now, what I really, really want is a nice pair of white pumps with heels!

I know I'm starting to sound all materialistic but I want a pair of white pumps with heels badly. If possible, by this weekend!

So Sayang...
Can you buy me a pair of white pumps with heels on top of that kiss that you're going to give me?
Please? Pretty please?
And this is NOT inclusive of your 1 year anniversary gift for me ok?
Boleh tak?

Don't say I'm tak tahu malu because if I'm tak tahu malu, I would have asked Ansari for that just now!

Nora, please help hint to your brother for me. Can? Please? Sebab I MALU laaaaaaahhhh!!

5/31/2006 11:19:00 PM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I can't wait...
For the rest of my life to begin...
For there is no one else...
I would want to spend the rest of my life with...
Other than you...

Happy Advanced 11 Monthsversary Sayang...

=)

5/27/2006 02:12:00 AM

SINCE YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IS BIG ON EATING, GO ON! EAT! EAT! EAT!!!!!! EAT ALL YOU WANT!! EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING, EVERY SINGLE DAMN OCCASION, MUST INVITE EVERYONE TO EAT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYONE IS SO FREAKING RICH IS IT????????????? ALWAYS GO EAT, EAT EAT!! NOTHING BETTER TO DO IS IT???

EAT UNTIL ALL OF YOU BECOME FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLOATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BETTER STILL, I WISH THAT ALL OF YOU WILL CHOKE TO DEATH WHILE EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD RIGHT NOWWWWW!!! DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY BOYFRIEND HAVE TO TAG ALONG JUST TO EAT. ISN'T THERE ENOUGH FOOD AT HOME TO EAT???????????????

NOW I CAN'T SPEND TIME WITH HIM!!! ALL BECAUSE ALL OF YOU LIKE TO EAT!!!!!!!!! EAT!!!!!!!!!!!! EAT!!!!!!!!!!!! GO LA. CHOKE TO DEATH!!!

The long space in between was because I was thinking. I came across another girl's blog. Like me, her boyfriend is currently serving NS. I have been reading her blog for some time now. Simply because she is going through what I am going through.

I think there should be an interest group set up for girls with boyfriends in the army. Hehehe.

On a serious note, I recently read an entry of hers. I copied and paste the entire rant of hers up there. I shall not name names though because it isn't nice to do so and she is entitled to her own opinion.

It got me thinking... Ansari's family is like that too. They often eat out together. As one big family. Granted, sometimes I get upset and whine away each time he has to commit to such things when he books out while I have to be home. All bored. I mean, an entire week of waiting for him to book out, the anticipation, all gone down the drain because he has family commitments to fulfill.

Admittedly, when I read whatever the girl posted, I thought it wasn't nice of her. Personally, I would not wish such things upon Ansari's family. Or other people's family for that matter. It's really a mean thing to say.

Guess life isn't a bed of roses. Nothing is ever fair. You win some, you lose someone. Because Ansari and me are not married yet, it is difficult for me to tag along for such occasions. And that is where I lose out on precious time with him.

But I don't ever let anger consume me to wish upon other people like that.

Oh well, food for thought for tonight. I miss Ansari :(

5/27/2006 12:08:00 AM

Thursday, May 25, 2006

So Shaikhah came over yesterday to borrow some of my stuff. She thought she knew what I have always had in my wardrobe all along but when she finally opened my wardrobe and I made her choose, she finally agreed that I need a walk-in wardrobe.

Please don't side with Ansari on this Shaikhah. Please. You are my friend. You are supposed to be on my side.

Yes yes. Ansari ever said that should we get married, I will seriously need a walk-in wardrobe. Then he will leave me in there all day long while he watches tv or engross himself in his Playstation 2. Also when he gets home from work and I'm nowhere to be found in the kitchen or the living room or the toilet, or the master bedroom, he will know where to look for me.

The walk-in wardrobe.

He even had it all planned out. The walk-in wardrobe should be built strategically next to the door of the toilet so that each time I have bathed, I can easily step into the walk-in wardrobe and choose my clothes.

Don't make me sound so bad la can? I'm seriously not that burok am I?

Although I have to admit that I've reached a point whereby I can't remember which tops or bottoms that I have. Heck. I thought I didn't have a decent pair of white shoes to wear to Ansari's Passing Out Parade when I had actually worn a pair of white low heels on Sunday!

Ok fine. I am burok.

So anyways, from my place, we went to Tampines Mall to buy food. Food, glorious food. Then we went over to Lulu's. Ade orang tu semangat tau cakap nak sampai rumah Lulu 12:01pm mentang-kentang Lulu cakap after 12pm boleh datang rumah dia tapi tengok lah kul brape kiter sampai tadi...

Kan Shaikhah?

She insisted on taking a photo in the bus so I obliged

Our mini picnic on Lulu's bed

U really want me to eat the sushi ah, Shaik?

Ok, ok I'll TRY

The tissue monster doing what she's best at on Lulu's bed

With flash

Without flash

So Shaikhah left to teach tuition and me and Lulu went for Ansari's P.O.P with his parents. Cik Yam and Uncle Bakar.

Of course silly me forgot to bring something which I will not mention here and because of that, now his parents know where I live la.

And Ansari STOP TEASING ME ABOUT THE THING THAT I FORGOT TO BRING! Mentang-kentang your mom told you about it, that doesn't give you the right to call me rabak la. Bluek. Kancheong and nervous and gabrah la. Bluek.

There were dark clouds but it was still hot. The place was disgusting. Ok disgusting is not exactly the right word to use. Don't get me wrong. The camp was definitely clean. Very clean in fact. Just that when I saw the obstacle courses, the length of the road leading into his camp and all, now I kind of understand why some army men turn into weirdos. That was what me and Lulu concluded at. Sad, sad life la.

At 1600 hrs sharp the parade started.

Alpha and Bravo companies came marching in

And I think they looked stupid with those pouches hanging around them la

Off to put down their rifles

The proudest moment...

Oh my God. I didn't know they even had a school song! I recorded it on video though but I'll upload it later. Having problems uploading it. They even had a cheer. An anthem even.

I seriously couldn't make out what they said. All deep voices simultaneously. I only heard mumblings. Goodness! Had a good laugh with Lulu.

Hooray! Hooray! Everybody threw their berets! POP already!

His platoon

I've not seen him smile this widely in a long, long time

Then it was time for the guests to eat. Cik Yam and Uncle Bakar proceeded to the canteen so that was when I managed to steal a moment to snap a shot with Ansari.

MY proudest moment *ahem ahem*

Men in uniform has always turned me on. However when I saw Ansari in his uniform, I seriously wanted to faint you know! I told him that and he didn't believe me. He kept saying that his buddy is more good-looking.

Alah. You will never get it la Sayang. Your buddy is your buddy. You are you. Memang your buddy hensem gilerrr macam mat salleh tapi takde oomph la sebab he is very smiley. Tak macam you. Serious and monyok face. I LOIKE!

Please do not ask me why I like guys who look serious. Smiley guys are nice to look at however they just don't turn me on. Guys who look serious macam ade sikit bad boy image. So in a way they intrigue me and yet instil fear in me. I LOIKE!! Top it off with a goatee.

I LOIKE!!
I LOIKE!!
I LOIKE MANY-MANY!!

So while we were eating in the canteen, Ansari came over to join us and the minute he stood behind me, he used his finger to hit my head. It didn't hurt or anything but I wish he would just behave you know. Gawd!

His beret

See his beret on top? It's light but who was made to carry it? ME. Goodness!!

I tell you, he could have just slotted it into this thingy on his shoulder but he did not you know. I was made to carry that smelly (ok it wasn't) weightless (and I know I should not be complaining since it did not weigh a tonne!) thing around while he went to get his 2 humongous luggages from his bunk and all. Sheesh.

I suspect Ansari is much much more kepo than me and Lulu were because he kept a lookout for The Anneh and kept telling us his location. Ewww. Please do not spoil my mood or my appetite. Please.

I don't know how he knew or who he went to ask in the first place because Ansari and The Anneh were in different companies but when I said to Lulu:

"I hope he doesn't get posted to where Ansari is posted to..."

Ansari instantaneously replied:

"Oh he got into A-Tec..." (if I heard correctly)

So upon further explanation, he got into the A-Tec Aggressor (what Abang told me) and The Anneh will be based in Pasir Laba from now on!! Retribution!!

Selamat lah kau Raja travel back and forth from Tampines to Boon Lay. SELAMAT. You are soooooooo going to have a life la!

Of course on the way home in the car, me and Lulu spotted The Anneh walking with his parents and from far we could only see his teeth. You know those gleaming white teeth. Hahaha.

Oh Lulu...
Ansari said some of his friends thought we were "hot stuff".
Goodness!!
If pretty takpe tau. Ni "hot stuff".
Sounds so gross.
Ade yang mintak nombor skali.
But too bad it wasn't that Muhd Lashes kan??

*giggles*

Yes Sayang...
Now you can eat roti john at the canteen hari-hari
and put on a bit more weight!
Too bad you can't grow a goatee.
Nevermind.
I'll wait!

*giggles*

(PS: Anybody noticed that it rhymed? *wahaha* It was on the spur of the moment actually *wahaha*)

5/25/2006 02:22:00 AM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Today was a good day.
Today was cloudy but it was a good day.
Today I didn't eat a lot but it was a good day.
Today I had to iron Ayah's clothes but it was a good day.
Today I got a scolding from Ayah for waking up at 2pm but it was a good day.
Today I kept getting my sleep interrupted by phonecalls and smses but it was a good day.

So because today was a good day, I bothered to dress myself up nicely and followed my parents to my uncle's place for his newborn daughter's cukur rambot ceremnoy.

So because today was a good day, so despite there being a huge crowd of people that I do not know at my uncle's place (because we came late so all my cousins went home already), I smiled at every single guest and I am seldom generous with my smiles.

So because today was a good day, I asked Ibu to take these for me:

See...

Nearer...

And NEARER!

GOOD DAY EVERYONE!

*smiles*

5/21/2006 10:43:00 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I thought my day was going to turn out bad. Super duper bad.

Didn't have much sleep last night. I think I managed to get in 2 hours of sleep what with the tossing and turning and crying. At first, my aunt did not want to have tuition today. Then at 7:30am, she called to ask me to go over to her place to teach tuition.

Damn!

So I had to drraaagggg myself out of my bed, reached for my towel and headed to the bathroom. It was seriously a torture because my eyes felt like fishballs. However, I knew it was waaaaayyy better than staying home all day, so I decided to well move my entire heavy body yang berbabat ini.

First, I had problems deciding what to wear. Just when I wanted to wear the white tee with my name and Ansari's name, I couldn't find it! I emptied my entire wardrobe. Then when I finally found it, I had to search high and low for my belt. Sheeesh. I almost wanted to scream I tell you.

So upon reaching Jurong East Interchange, as usual I was greeted to the sight of students doing flag-selling and this nyonya selling tissues. Every single week she is there and she goes:

"Tissue paper 1 dollar. Tissue paper 1 dollar"

Might as well record her own voice and just play it you know. She just goes on and on and on. However, today I was extra irritated by her and the sound of her voice. To top it off, she actually shouted at the students doing flag-selling. She actually shouted:

"Woiii! Kasi olang jalan ah. Kasi olang beli tisu wa"

Gooooodnesss!! Like who wants to buy her stinking tissue papers anyway? Her voice is already so damn irritating and she is always very rude some more. Especially to those who walked in front of her without buying her tissues.

So I thought that was bad enough. As I was standing near the queue for buses 52, 183 and 33 (I don't usually join the queue because I will just take whichever bus that comes first), this apek in crumpled blue shirt and shorts carrying a plastic bag and this hard black leather bag, walked towards me, faced me and said to my face:

"I vote for the opposition. I don't vote for PAP. Please don't vote for the PAP. Vote for opposition. Lee Kuan Yew is an evil guy"

Okay I hope I won't get into trouble for saying that in my blog but I was merely regurgitating whatever he said. After that, he moved on to another person, repeating the same thing.

I thought it would end there but I had the misfortune of having him ride bus number 52 with me. So the moment he boarded the bus, he said the exact same thing to the bus driver.

And as he was about to alight, as he stood at the door (dah la super kancheong picit bell siang-siang abih jalan while the bus is moving dengan dua-dua beg dia yang berat), he turned to his left and spoke Mandarin to this teenager. I pity her. Seriously. He repeated the exact same thing only that it was in Mandarin.

So I seriously felt lethargic today. Felt out of sorts too. My aunt could tell from the moment she opened the door. After having tutored Nabilah, she tried to entertain me. I guess she knew what I was upset about. So today, unlike all those other days and weeks, she asked me lots of stuff about Ansari.

Not to say she has never been interested before. Each week, wihout fail she will ask how he's doing. How he's coping in camp and especially now in Taiwan. So today was the first time ever I told her lots of things about Ansari.

It was good to let it out you know. The things we do together for fun. How irritating he can be. To make things better, I realize she also face the same problem as me.

Both of us have fussy significant others when it comes to shopping!

Sigh. What luck I tell you. My aunt further had to make it worse by saying that I will end up marrying someone like Ayah judging from all the things I told her about Ansari. Eh blom lagi eh. Lama lagi tau nak kahwin. Lamaaaaaaaa skali. Blom tentu Ansari and me ade jodoh. Tapi harap-harap ade la kan? Walaupun dia almost sebijik macam Ayah!

As we were talking, I was seated on the floor in her bedroom. I sat right beside the door, at the corner of the wall. Then my aunt had to bathe the kids and all so while waiting, I actually fell asleep! Aku tido dudok, kepale terlentok, macam ayam yang kene sembelih.

So lucky thing Shaikhah smsed me because I woke up to read her sms and caught my aunt trying to snap a shot of me sleeping so burukly in her room! Sunggoh tak senonoh lah makcik aku ni satu!

Left the house for City Hall. My uncle wanted to buy some tees and shirts from Polo Ralph Lauren and I can seriously vouch that he is as fussy as Ansari. Their kind of fussy is not the make-noise kind of fussy so no matter how many questions you ask, you won't know what goes on in their mind. Then when they reach home, they will tell you that they want to buy the stuff the next day!

In the car

Got Lego exhibition lah

Before we left for Takashimaya

Nabilah got her Harry Potter Lego Set while Nadiah got her House Building Lego Set. I seriously think Legos are good to stimulate minds of kids don't you think? Even adults. What with all the building of tiles...

So then when we reached Takashimaya, my aunt and me popped into Mango for a while. Sigh. The wonderful clothes. I couldn't believe my ears when my aunt told me to just pick anything. A treat from her! I think it was because I looked pathetic all day long!

So I got myself a super duper nice blue tube and this white crocheted capelet. My stuff cost $105. My aunt got herself 2 tops and they cost her $84. Nazurah was bing such a sweetie because she refused to let me carry my Mango paperbag.

I slung the bag over her head and her left arm because it was too long for her to carry it by her side. After that, she just held my hands and she walked around with a grin on her face. Of course every single shopper kept commenting on how cute she looked. Abih, Sister Ajeen sebelah dia tu tak jambu keee??

Love it! Love it!

This fits me perfectly and you may not see it but the sleeves puff up at the shoulders when I put it on!

He's coming home. Finally he's coming home.
I endured 3 weeks.
I was strong for most of the 3 weeks except for the past few days when I seriously felt his absence...

Sayang is finally coming home and for the first time in 3 weeks, I'll be crying tears of happiness...

5/20/2006 11:37:00 PM

Friday, May 19, 2006

So on Wednesday, Shaikhah asked me out on a date. Hehe. I was excited you know! Like finally someone asks me out on a date after I have been rather date-less for close to 3 weeks. Ok crap.

Anyway, little did I know why she asked me out on a date. It was because she needed me to walk with her at this God forsaken place. I tell you, the weather was already not much of a help. What with the scorching hot sun. Of course it was better than having a rainy weather. However the point is, scorching hot sun and dust is an absolutely bad combination. Luckily I was in comfortable shoes.

Speaking of shoes, Shaikah, I want to get those shoes from VNC. Yup. Made up my mind. Accompany me when The Great Singapore Sale starts alright? Do you think Ansari would want those tees from New Urban Male? Hurhur.

Right. So after that, we proceeded for lunch at Tampines.

In the train... All oily and tired...

What I wore on Tuesday...

So we settled for Century Square's Food Culture. Maklom lah ade orang tu tak pernah makan kat situ.

My spaghetti bolognese in beef sauce with crispy chicken... Damn sedap I swear!!

Shaikhah's spaghetti bolognese in chicken sauce with crispy chicken...

My umm... Ummm...

What was that ah Shaikhah? I can't remember what I ordered. Especially since you were the one who ordered for me. Heh.

So while I was waiting for Shaikhah to come back from the dessert stall, I thought I saw someone. I was scared though that I had gotten it wrong so what did I do? I just continued observing from afar. As that someone walked towards the dessert stall, looked up at the menu, went forward and stood beside Shaikhah and looked at the dessert ingredients and then proceeded to flirt with the dessert stall auntie!

Ok the last bit was complete untruth by the way. The bottomline is... I was too shy to do anything. To even call or sms. I only did that after I reached my tuition kid's place.

And so yes. It was Kassim that I saw. In a white tee and jeans. All selenge looking. Hehehe.

Shaikhah, Ansari blom balik lagi eh?

Blom Azreen... *smiles*

We saw an ex-jc school mate. The one that both of us cannot tolerate. Hurhur. Shaikhah had an easy time ok because while eating, she had her back towards her while I had the misfortune of having the full view of her face!

So I guess I really had a bowl of bitchy for breakfast on Wednesday morning that I just continued looking in her direction and she of course caught me doing that several times and all those times I did not smile or anything but just looked past her.

Oh those absolutely mean jokes...

"Hi Azreen! You have lost so much weight!"
"Oh hi. I see you still look the same. No change physically. And you are STILL the SAME PERSON! KEEP IT UP!!!"

Enough of that.

Thursday... Had a date with Azura. Met up at Bugis. I cannot fathom why that woman decided to wear a blazer when the sun was shining so brightly. It was a black blazer some more! To think she had an absolutely nice green top underneath! Sheesh.

As both of us were terribly hungry (we were talking about food on MSN the night before!), we proceeded to have lunch at Banquet first.

Azura's Yong Taufu with Beehoon although her actual order was a Dry Yong Taufu...

My chicken rice... I haven't had chicken rice for the LONGEST time!

My Yong Taufu...

So then we went on our mini shopping spree. Well more like mine actually because we were on a quest to get me a long turqoise skirt. We walked around Bugis Village. No long skirts caught my eye but a whole truckload of clothes, bags, shoes and mid-length skirts caught my eye though.

I got myself 2 new bags from Bugis Village actually...

Ta-daa!

The total cost for 2 of them was supposed to come up to $40 but I asked for $30 so in the end the lady sold them to me for $33. Good buy I must say. She thanked me for buying the bags and said that if she strikes 4D on Saturday, she insist that me and Azura come down to her store and she will give out angpows.

And do you know what she said about herself?

"Because I gentleman ah, I also give angpow to you (referring to Azura). You never buy bag also can. Still get angpow"

In the end, bought my long turqoise skirt at This Fashion. I have not gotten myself anything from This Fashion for the longest time simply because I do not fancy the clothes there. I have to say though that they had very nice long skirts. Of course the long skirt was not that long till it touched the floor (like Azura's) and it did not have that nice, kembang effect (like Azura's) when I twirled around in it.

It's simply because Azura is short and I am well taller.

Oh, we tried the new banana milkshake from Macs. Yummy. Of course Azura kept saying that the one sold at the engineering faculty is much much nicer. So Kassim, when you get back to school, try the banana milkshake lah. Azura has been promoting it macam nak giler.

I tell you, being out with Azura is always so so tiring. We tire ourselves from laughing too much. Serious. I laugh so much more with her than all my other friends. I laughed so much till I felt thirsty for the entire day (even now!) and she kept complaining that her jaw hurt from laughing too much.

Oh oh... While Azura kept bumping into almost every single person at Bugis Village, I got molested lah!

This chinese fella, he was walking towards me. Then as he walked past me, he conveniently brushed his entire arm on my thigh! Yes. His arm was on my left thigh for like 3 seconds (which is a long time ok!).

I mean come on la! We all know the difference between accidental brushing and ummm... brushing with purpose. Even Azura saw it. She in turn looked at me and I was staring at that fella as he nonchalantly walked on. I seriously turned my head around and looked at him.

Which of course was nothing but that was all I could afford to do. Sigh. The place was not even crowded. Sigh. Wat luck! Luckily he did not brush his arm against my breast or something.

Anyway, after we were tired of walking, we sat at Macs. Hahaha. This time Azura and me were so thirsty that we shared a large coke. Lepas banana milkshake, coke pulak.

Again we laughed like mad. Banged on the table. Me complaining of being tired from laughing and she complaining that her jaw hurt but we continued laughing away.

So engrossed in her coke till she looked pissed when I snapped this...

Love my tee!

My favourite shot of the day!

Have to say Azura is a good shopping companion. Although she has always been so so much better at curbing her urges to spend (unlike me!), it is still nice to go shopping with her. Patient. Honest opinions.

Besssst!!!

Neeta, how to meet you on Monday??!!?! I'm soooooo NOT going to Bugis with you on Monday again. Duit dah terbang! Still got money la but I must NOT spend anymore. Bluek.

I just watched Munich with Ayah. Fantastic movie but it was a wrong decision to watch it with Ayah. Bad, bad move.

Luckily I did not catch it in cinemas with Abang and the rest. If not... Well all I can say is...

OHHHHH MY GAWDERRRRRRRR

5/19/2006 02:38:00 AM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I miss you
I expected it
I counted on it
I prepared myself for it
but I miss you...

I knew it would hurt
I knew it would break my heart
I knew I would feel sad
I knew it would be so bad
but I miss you so...

I love you
I care for you
I'm so crazy about you
and I'm missing you...

Like crazy

5/16/2006 07:14:00 PM

I wait and I wonder,
Where could he be?
What is he doing?

Is he well?
Is he missing me,
As much as I am missing him?

So many questions
Flow through me.

Will our love last?
Will it endure,
All that life has to throw at us?

I think we both
Know the answer to that.

Yes, our love will endure.
We have so much to give,
So many things to share.

There is no one to share them with
But you... for you are the other half of me.
You are the one that consumes my thoughts,
The one that holds my heart,
The one that fills my dreams.

You are the one that will make all my dreams real.
You, my love, holds the key to my heart...

Am I a weak person for missing Ansari all the time?

"Forgive me for my weakness, I don't know why, but without you it's hard to survive"

5/16/2006 04:29:00 AM

Monday, May 15, 2006

I do not wish to be just a fair-weather friend.

Someone whom you approach when you finally have some free time.
Someone whom you meet for a catching up session every few months.
Someone whom you talk to but yet still keep certain things to yourself.

That was not how this friendship started.
That was not how this friendship is supposed to be.
That was not how this friendship came about.

Being attached makes me whole, as a person.
So why are there people who think being attached makes one lesser as a friend?
Doesn't it contradict everything?

If you ask me, personally I have not been much lesser as a friend. Never. I may have changed. For the better or worse, that I do not know. That is how all of you perceive me. However, when it comes to friendships, I hold it so dear to my heart.

Because I know, I will need to run to my friends each time I need a shoulder to cry on. Because I know, at the end of the day, my friends understand me better than my boyfriend. Because I know, my friends have been there for me right from the start.

What is in a status may I ask?

Being in a relationship means I have found someone whom I can connect with on a whole different level. Someone that I am attracted to physically. Someone that makes me happy. And this someone also can make me so mad but yet at the end of the day, it's still this someone that I want to be with. Someone who is able to take me to another place called Love.

Love is a sacred thing between 2 people. I may confide in my friends but never will I get them involved in my love life. The decisions that I make are all mine. Even if it was a mistake to have gotten attached in the first place when all of my friends were single, let me learn from my mistakes.

As long as I know that I still have my wonderful friends to turn to, I will pick myself up even after my entire world has crumbled.

I want to be your friend. I want to be let into your life. An attached person does not make her much different from her single friends. She still needs her friends. She still wants to go on retail therapy with her girl friends. She still wants to bitch about people with her girl friends.

She still wants her friends to be her bridesmaids on her big day.

However, if being attached has reduced my friendship status with you, then I'll gladly accept it. Even if it means being shut out of your life when it comes to certain things. Even if it means only knowing the minute details and nothing more than that.

Even if it pains me for not being able to be a part of your life like I used to.

As stubborn as I can be, as hard-hearted as I can be, I think of others too. I'm sure the rest do not want to see this friendship break apart.

So for them, I'll be glad to carry on with things according to your terms.

And for him, I'm willing to pretend as if nothing happened between you and me because I made a promise to him that I will not let go of the friendship just like that. I do not want him to feel torn because of all these.

If status matters to you, then let me be reduced to being a fair-weather friend as a punishment for getting attached to him.

I gained him, but I lost the rights to be your close friend like old times.

This is my final say.

5/15/2006 02:26:00 AM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

My mom and me bought the 2 little girls fairy wings, crowns and magic wands. It was Nadiah's birthday but we bought another set for Nazurah as well. Me and Nabilah got those Witch hats...

Nenek made the cake and my aunt drew Dora on it... Inside each chocolate ball got different fruits! Yummy!

The birthday girl tired of her fancy costume...

I used to have cleavage when I wore that top. Now no more.

Sigh. Sad sad case lah.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIAH DARLING...
6 YEARS AGO... WHEN YOU WERE BORN ON MAY 13th, I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU.
ALBEIT AFRAID TO CRADLE YOU IN MY ARMS BECAUSE YOU SEEMED SO FRAGILE, I EVENTUALLY PLUCKED UP ENOUGH COURAGE.
6 YEARS WENT BY IN A FLASH.
I WATCHED YOU GROW IN FRONT OF MY EYES.
FROM A CHUBBY LITTLE TODDLER, YOU ARE SUCH A PRETTY LITTLE GIRL NOW.
ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU USED TO HIDE IN BETWEEN MY LEGS OR EVEN BEHIND MY ASS WHEN YOU WERE SCARED.
ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU CRIED DURING YOUR BIRTHDAY IN FRONT OF YOUR CLASS BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SHY TO HAND OUT THE GOODIE BAGS BUT NOW YOU ARE EXCITED TO HAND OUT THE GOODIE BAGS WHEN I HELPED WITH THE PACKING THE OTHER DAY.
ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU ARGUED WITH NAZURAH FOR TAKING YOUR THINGS.
ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU CONTINUED CALLING NAZURAH "SAYANG" WHILE STILL SCREAMING AT HER.
WHEN SISTER AZREEN DAH WORK, I BUY YOU MANY-MANY THINGS OK?
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE...
ALWAYS...
AND WHEN YOU ARE ALL GROWN UP AND BOYS COME INTO THE PICTURE, I'LL BE HERE TO PROTECT YOU AND TEACH YOU A THING OR TWO ABOUT THEM OKIE?
I'LL KEEP A LOOKOUT FOR YOU JUST LIKE THE WAY YOUR MUMMY HAS BEEN KEEPING A LOOKOUT FOR ME ALL THESE WHILE.
THAT'S A PROMISE...

5/13/2006 11:31:00 PM