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:: CATWOMAN ::
:: TREASURED MEMORIES ::
.June 2005.
.July 2005.
.August 2005.
.September 2005.
.October 2005.
.November 2005.
.December 2005.
.January 2006.
.February 2006.
.March 2006.
.April 2006.
.May 2006.
.June 2006.
As Abg drove along the expressway in the calm of the night, and the other 3 stooges were singing to themselves, he whispered to me:
"So what was your birthday wish?"
I was taken aback, surprised and totally didnt expect Abg to ask me that question. I turned to him with eyes as big as duck's eggs (exaggerating la) and said:
"I didnt make a birthday wish at all!!"
"How can u not make a birthday wish?!!"
"Bcos there wasnt any proper cake..."
"But it was ur birthday..."
"Uh-huh... But there wasnt any proper cake..."
"Ok when u get home, before u sleep, sit by your window, look up at the sky and the stars and make a wish..."
"It doesnt work that way u noe..."
"At least have faith... like me..."
"Like you??!!"
"Yes every night, i pray that my soulmate...i noe ive not met her...but whoever she is, i hope Allah protects her and keep her from harm's way and hopefully she's happy..."
I kept quiet after that bcos to me... what's the use in just praying and wishing if u dont show Allah how much u want something?? But u noe sometimes... the circumstances are such that... u can do nothing else but to just pray and hope and wish...
Tonight... on this star-less sky (actually it seems like it's going to rain)... im asking Allah to give me strength.
I miss Ansari very very much. I really do. We havent had much private time together lately. Like seriously totally private time whereby we just sit down and talk and ask after each other and update each other about our lives. I admit things have gotten pretty intensed lately, therefore i see the need for us to seriously sit down and talk face to face.
Shaikhah may say she misses Andhika but he is just an sms or phonecall away. He might not be able to meet her there and then in times of her need, but at least she gets to listen to his voice. She gets to talk to him. She gets to pour out her woes to him. She gets to share her joy with him. At least even if they cant meet today, there's always tomorrow.
But me?? I have to wait and wait patiently for Ansari's sms. I can sms him anytime but he cant reply on the spot. Heck. Sometimes i have to wait till a day or two till he replies. I cant call him cos all i'll get is his voicemail. And what do u expect me to do?? Cry over the damn phone??
(im sorry but im in a bratty mood)
I see couples walking hand in hand and instantly i'll miss having Ansari's hands holding onto mine
I see couples looking into each other's eyes lovingly and instantly i'll miss looking at Ansari's eyes
I see couples sitting side by side looking contented even without doing anything and instantly i'll miss having Ansari by my side
I miss doing all the couple-y things with Ansari
I miss his teasings
I miss him feeding me
I miss his irritating-ness
I miss the way he always tucks my hair into place
I miss resting my head on his shoulders
I miss the way he kisses me gently on my cheeks when im not looking
I miss the way i feel so secure in his arms
I miss having small petty arguments with him
Today marks exactly a month since he entered SISPEC. 5 more months to go and things will look slightly better.
Next Sunday is our 7 months anniversary and it feels sooo long since we did anything special. Just the 2 of us. It doesnt help that he has to do guard duty on Saturday night simply bcos it's going to be Chinese New Year and they dont have enough people to do guard duty. That means he will not be able to bookout next Saturday night.
Dont tell me that his NS will be over even before i know it. I know he will be done with NS but do any of u understand what I'm going through?? Do any of u seriously know what it feels like wanting to show someone how much u care for him, but no matter what u do, things just wont take a turn??
I cant turn back the hands of time, back to my birthday.
But im going to do one thing...
Right after this, I'm going to sit by my window and silently pray to Allah to give me the strength and the courage to just be there for Ansari. I certainly do not mind that he cant be there for me all the time cos it's certainly not his fault.
Just let me be there...
