[*LOVE is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without*]...[*LOVE doesn't make the world go around*]...[*It's what makes the ride worthwhile*]...[*You can look all over for LOVE but you won't be able to find it*]...[*You can't see LOVE, you must feel it*]...[*LOVE is afterall only a word*]...[*Until you meet SOMEONE who gives it a meaning*]...[*SOMEONE who shows you what LOVE is*]...[*I've met that SOMEONE*].......................

Friday, March 24, 2006

"You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light
You make me wana love
You make me wanna fall
You make me wanna surrender my soul..."

Called him in the middle of the night I did. Well it wasn't exactly in the middle of the night. It was around 10:15 pm just now when I decided to pick up the house phone and gave Ansari a call.

So I dialled those 8 digits that I remember oh so well. The timing couldn't have been better because I was all alone at home (Udin sungguh tak baik sebab dia buat Kak Noreen dia yang sorang ni kempunan bile dia bilang yang nyayi masak sambal telor dengan lauk dhal dah tu suroh amik dari teck whye). My parents went to my aunt's house at Pasir Ris dan anak perempuan mereka yang satu ni sungguh malas untuk pergi dan eksyen cakap ade banyak keje skola padahal nak dudok rumah tengok teebee!

So yes. I decided that I should just give him a nice surprise by calling him out of the blue. Afterall he did tell me that he will switch on his handphone during that time and I'm free to call him. Sometimes he has to do some cleaning up so he won't have time to sms.

Luck was on my side because his handphone was indeed switched on. I heard the dial tone. Sad to say, no matter how much Lady Luck was smiling at me, I think my hands suddenly developed a life of their own and they decided to put down the phone! Either that or my brain decided to go against me silently and sent signals to my hands to put the phone down!

I swear I so do not know why I did that. Wait. Actually I do know why I did that. Of course I knew the reason why. No one knows me better than myself. Since there's a private joke that goes on between me and Acap, let me tell you that sometimes when I feel like it, I turn into Doctor Siti Jenab.

So Doctor Siti Jenab self-declares herself as having the Nervous Disease. Eh bukan disease of the nervous system tau. Tu dah lain tu. Tangan dan kaki aku tak menggeletar. Just the Nervous Disease.

Yes. You read that right. I put down the phone because I got nervous at the thought of talking Ansari on the phone!!

Oh God help me! Who in the world gets nervous about talking to her own boyfriend on the damn phone??!! Who in this screwed up world gets cold feet when calling her boyfriend??!!

Girlpren maner yang malu nak berbual dengan boypren dia kat talipon??

Which fucking NS guy wouldn't be glad to hear his girlfriend's voice over the phone???!!!!!!!!!!

And the best thing was... I waited for a whole ten minutes before I had actually mustered up enough courage to croak a little "Hello" to Ansari and when I redialled his number, his handphone was off!!

Dah lights out!!

Right there and then I felt like banging my head on the wall tapi biase lah si pengecut ni tak berani sebab dia takot muka dia yang lawa ni pecah. Kalau tak pecah pun nanti lebam.

So Sayang... I'm guilty of giving you 1 Missed Call on Thursday night. Go through your list of Missed Calls. March 23rd 2006, around 10:15pm. A private number. That was ME ok Sayang?? Bukan some secret admirer tau. It was YOUR Sayang yang sorang ni yang teramat manje dan pengecut sekali.

Do you all want to know how upset I was after the entire thing?

Well I actually went to the kitchen, scooped myself a plate of rice and ate the rice with sambal kupang. After I gobbled all that up, I still felt sore so I went into the kitchen again, scooped myself another plate of rice and ate it with ikan pari masak sambal kicap. Still I didnt feel better, so I sinked my teeth into 2 pieces of chicken wings!!

Gosh!! Azreen usually don't eat after 9pm ok!! Azreen don't consume more than one plate of rice a day.

So again I still felt upset with myself that I started rambling nonsense to Azura online.

Me: dis wound dun seem to heal
Me: dis pain is juz too real
Me: there's juz too much that time cannot erase
Me: *stab* *stab*
Me: *stabs my own heart*
Me: *crumbles to floor*
Me: mampos
Me: the end
Me: dere goes my life
Me: ure chatting to her soul
Me: but dun worry
Me: catwoman will be reborn as
Me: ELEKTRA!!
Me: but first she must get her hair straightened

And then I started singing Firehouse's "I Live My Life For You". I sang it to Azura and Shaikhah. So I told Azura to sing louder seeing that she's in Chua Chu Kang which is much nearer to Ansari's camp. Then I told Azura to sing louder as Ansari was still fast asleep and didn't hear her.

At the end of it all, I sang Firehouse's "Love Of A Lifetime".

Sayang, I love you so so much. I know that sometimes I am not exactly the easiest person to be with. I get moody. I get upset. I merajuk. I did God knows what and never once did you flare up at me. Instead you were always there. So patient. You were my listening ear. You tried to help me in as many ways as you could. Especially so for the past few weeks when I felt as if I had to bear the weight of every single problem on my tiny shoulders.

Sayang, I miss you like crazy lah

*starts singing Miss You Like Crazy by The Moffatts*

"I miss you like crazy
Even more than words can say
I miss you like crazy
Every minute and everyday
Boy I'm so down
When your love's not around
I miss you
Miss you
Miss you
I miss you like crazy..."

I miss you many-many that if I can be a witch right now, I will make myself appear right in front of you right now and hug you tight-tight. I will let you hug me to sleep. Until you have the sweetest dreams.

Heck. If I can steal the blanket that Harry Potter's Dad left him I so will do that. Only then will I be invisible and then I will be able to enter Pasir Laba camp undetected, climb up to your bunk and snuggle up beside you on that tiny single bed of yours.

I will do anything just to feel your touch next to me right now. I will do anything just to have you next to me right now. I will do anything to show you how much I care and miss you. And how much I LOVE YOU.

I will so join you at Pasir Laba Camp if it means I get to see you every single day. Screw the tough training. I will be so willing to enlist myself but I don't think I'm fit enough to join SISPEC. You selalu cakap I lemau kan??

An Sayang, the marksman said I'm a poor shooter. Want to know why?

Because I keep missing you...

If I can turn back the hands of time right now to 10:15pm on Thursday, 23rd March 2006, I will do so. Dear Clock. Please turn back time. Please ask your hands to turn back to 10:15pm. Please. If you do that, I promise I will buy you Duracell batteries. No more Eveready batteries. Please Clock??

Right I'm still upset (which is an understatement) so I'm going to eat the fishburger with coleslaw and cheese now. Lama kelamaan gedempol lah kau Azreen. Dah tak selim-melim. Nanti jadi macam Erlin Montel. Selamat lah kau.

And please don't ask me what came over me when I typed that entire last bit dedicated to Ansari. Meanwhile please be nice to me when you see me online because I am so so so touchy and sensitive nowadays that I just end up snapping at people (macam itu buaya!)

Garang seh minah yang satu ni. Fierce sia!!

Bye

3/24/2006 01:38:00 AM