[*LOVE is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without*]...[*LOVE doesn't make the world go around*]...[*It's what makes the ride worthwhile*]...[*You can look all over for LOVE but you won't be able to find it*]...[*You can't see LOVE, you must feel it*]...[*LOVE is afterall only a word*]...[*Until you meet SOMEONE who gives it a meaning*]...[*SOMEONE who shows you what LOVE is*]...[*I've met that SOMEONE*].......................

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Tuition has been postponed to tomorrow. So tomorrow I have to make my way all the way to Pasir Ris and teach the Primary 6 girl English and Science. From 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. Good luck to me.

Hurhur.

I already find 1 hour 30 minutes tutoring taxing simply because most kids find it hard to concentrate after the 1st hour is gone. Then I will have to be very patient and not lose my temper for the next 30 minutes each time they start scribbling something else on their assessement books or start looking out the window because apparently the carpark is more exciting to look at than this beautiful face of mine!

Hurhur.

I will probably reach home at 10 pm tomorrow night. Taking the train will be much faster though. I can reach home in 45 mins max but I totally hate taking the train! I prefer the good old fashioned long bus rides that enables me to look at the buildings going past me or watch TV Mobile (seeing how I only get 1 to 2 hours of TV time nowadays) or even catch up on my sleep.

*drool*
*drool*
*drool*

Like back in my Cedar days when I would just get so exhausted after school ended and I would never fail to sleep on the bus ride home and end up drooling on my tie! Another thing that none of you know is...

I never wash my tie back in Cedar. Heck. My mom didn't even make me wash them. Not even once. So there you go.

Another confession. I only washed my socks once a week back in Cedar. Hurhur. Hey! What was I supposed to do when I was the only child with both working parents and my late great-grandmother suffered from a stroke so she couldn't take care of me? I was left to fend for myself. Be independent like learning how to cook the rice and all those other dishes.

Independent I was but when it came to washing my socks and school tie, I was such a lazy bum. By the time the big, fat, chubby, sweaty, oily-faced and dark me (Ansari said after he's done with NS, he will regain his fair skin and I will be a Tempeh Bakar next to him - baaaahhh!!) reached home, I only wanted to eat and watch the tv and get my homework done and ate some more.

Now that I have said all that, I think I have just reduced whatever brownie points with future suitors who wish to marry me. Hurhur.

Nora, jangan bilang your mom atau your bro about whatever I just confessed on my blog tau. Turun saham aku. Turun harga. Janji I will wash my own socks now. Janji! Amik la pisau and belah my dada. Padahal sekarang dah tak pakai stokin lagi! Hurhur.

I realize that once more, I have digressed from my intended topic of blogging today. This is geting bad. I certainly need to kick this bad habit of mine. It is seriously costing me a few marks on my essays. My tutors will always have to strike out the irrelevant points. You will see all these red lines across some of my paragraphs. Not a pretty sight.

I wanted to say, seeing that I had no tuition and no class today, I went through my archives for the month of March. If you have missed out on any of my previous entries, kindly click on the archive for the month of March to read them and if you do feel like leaving a comment on any of the past entries, go ahead and do so as I will certainly reply your comments.

Other than the obvious cam-whoring on my part (I simply love my digicam too much so I bring it with me everywhere I go), March has certainly been taxing on me. Definitely.

Not many of you know about what has happened in my personal life. I think so far, only 4 of you know. You should know who you all are. Hawnered or not?? Hahaha. Come on mann. Admit that 4 of you are hawnered mann. You get to know about what went on in this Catwoman's life!!

Gawd. I'm so full of myself.

I am indeed thankful to be surrounded with so many lovely people in my life. Be it very closed ones or not, they certainly have, at one point or other, crossed my path and left a mark there. Lovely, wonderful memories.

The memory is such a wonderful treasure chest...

And I have to say this...

During the month of March, Ansari and me definitely got closer. Much much closer. Not to say we haven't been close all this while but due to certain turn of events for the past few months, March definitely marked THE month that we finally brought our relationship to the next level.

Of course my friends have always been there for me all this while. Even before Ansari came along. What I am trying to say is, despite him entering my life roughly only about a year ago as a friend, he certainly has managed to carve a special place for himself in my heart.

It is not easy for me to like someone, what more fall in love with someone. Definitely not easy for me. I do not have a heart of stone but I certainly build up my defences well.

Then, 3 months into our friendship, we took things to the next level and became an item. Admittedly, 3 months was too short a time to venture into a relationship (all the more since Lulu and Toonie are his cousins) but deep inside me, I felt so confident of things that I brought down my defences and allowed him deeper into my life.

For the first time in my life, I finally knew what I wanted and I wanted it so badly.

It was just instant attraction right from the start. Everything has to start from friendship but I have to say even while we were only friends, the chemistry was there.

So here we are, 9 months later, still going strong. Still in the process of getting to know each other (and misunderstanding each other at times) but stronger than ever. Everyone learn from experiences right?

It has been a tough 9 months. Emotionally, physically and mentally. That explains my drastic weight loss and my constant crying back then. And for the entire 9 months, Ansari has been there for me. He didn't know what was exactly wrong as I did not tell him but he was there, tolerating my mood swings.

Even when he was tired every week after booking out and all I did was to whine away and get upset over tiny things, not once has he raised his voice at me.

We did have our arguments, our difficulties. We were and still are a relatively new couple and we had and still do have problems understanding each other at times. Him not being able to understand why I needed constant attention and why I was so very manja (that's the trait of an only child you belo!) and me not understanding how he can be so calm over every single thing.

It was like:
"Ansari are you listening to me?"
"Ansari you faham tak whatever I just said?"
"Ansari you tahu tak what you are supposed to do?"
"Ansari are you ok with things or are you mad at me?"
"Ansari betol you don't mind?"

There were times when he was mean to me and his words hurt, but not once did he ever raise his voice at me. Never ever. He just has this knack of talking so calmly that sometimes I simply couldn't stay mad at him for long.

For the past month or so, some things took a turn for the worse and I finally told him every single thing. He listened. He took my hands. He talked to me and he helped me a great deal. He has just been so wonderful that I feel truly blessed.

We did so many things together in March. Arnold's. Brokeback Mountain. Soccer. Underworld Evolution. Milkshakes on every outing. Daily breakfast. Shopping. Sentosa. Dinner after dinner. Walked from East Coast all the way to Katong Park. Met Yani. Hung out at the playground almost every other day. Walked in the rain. Walked barefooted. The wonderful, heartwarming conversations. Sat at Pasir Ris Beach for 6 hours straight till my ass hurt.

He was there for me at the most down-dest (???) period of my life. He stood by me. His care and concern. Most importantly, he loves me for who I really am.

I still get butterflies in my stomach when I meet him on Saturdays after he's booked out and after I'm done with tuition at Along's place - even if it's just taking the train to go back home together. I still get excited each time he smses me. The insides of my stomach experience somersaults each time I hear his voice on the phone. I still get this warm, fluttery feeling each time he reaches out for my hands to hold them.

And I will still get shy each time he calls me his Beautiful Catwoman.

Just the thought of him makes me smile so widely. Even when I'm in public.

Today marks our 9 months together. Ansari is in camp. It does not matter that we haven't been celebrating much of our monthly anniversaries. It certainly does not matter that he is not able to wish me Happy 9 Monthsversary.

As long as I have him, that's all that matters.

Our 1st month... 29th July 2005...