[*LOVE is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without*]...[*LOVE doesn't make the world go around*]...[*It's what makes the ride worthwhile*]...[*You can look all over for LOVE but you won't be able to find it*]...[*You can't see LOVE, you must feel it*]...[*LOVE is afterall only a word*]...[*Until you meet SOMEONE who gives it a meaning*]...[*SOMEONE who shows you what LOVE is*]...[*I've met that SOMEONE*].......................

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Time passed by very fast today. Or was it yesterday seeing that it's technically Tuesday already. Well whatever it is, im glad the day went by just like that cos if it had draaaaagggggeeed on and on, i swear i wld have juz pee-ed in my panties.

Hahaha

Why am i still up at this hour?? Well it's pretty late to be up online considering that it's a school nite. Im juz doing some catching up on my school work. That explains why im not logged on to MSN if any of u are wondering... Doing research. Going through newspaper archives online and stuff. It feels as if im studying for history reading all these news archives...

8 days of not going to school... A bit too much to catch up on but i think i'll cope. Just have to forgo some hours of sleep this week i guess but im cool with that. Im not one to complain about not getting enough sleep. I think i have gone through enough when mugging for the A Levels so im kinda used to sacrificing my sleep. Besides i think i've slept enough for the past week or so.

And so as soon as class ended just now, i took out my hp and smsed Ansari. It was juz smth random. Well not exactly random considering that i smsed him cos i was thinking of him at that point of time but the contents of my sms was just smth random.

I just smsed him to tell him that school just ended and that i was heading home. See. Told u it was smth random.

Anyway, i wasnt expecting any reply cos it was 3pm and usually he wld be doing some sort of stupid army stuff like... Ok i duno actuali. Just some army stuff la.

And then i was surprised when he replied. It just so happened that he was on a 1 hour break and...

HE IS BOTAK

I cldnt believe my eyes when i read his sms. So i asked him if he meant he's botak like when he first went for NS and he said yes. Gawd. So i asked him why he was made to shave off the hair on his head seeing that he's alreadi passed out and he shld be allowed to keep his hair.

He told me it was because someone from the Bravo company had the wrong hairstyle (i certainly cant fathom wat sort of wrong hairstyle cos when ure in the army, as long as ur hair is kept short to a certain "length" then it's fine kan?) and so the ENTIRE SISPEC had to go bald.

I noe being in the army is about camaraderie and all but i think it's ridiculous that it even boils down to the haircut. Especially since it wasnt Foxtrot's fault. Dah la last time somebody from Alpha company created a blunder by losing the M-16 in the jungle which is ridiculous cos how the fuck can u lose a big rifle??!! and instead of deploying their own people from their own company, they made the rest of SISPEC stay in camp, in their bunks with absolutely nothing to do and deployed the operational units instead. So now i understand why Abg was so pissed at that time.

Ok back to Ansari going bald. I mean if it was someone from Foxtrot or someone from his platoon, then it's ok tau. I do understand that if someone from your platoon fails to adhere to the rules, then the entire company gets punished.

But if u reali want to noe... im not making such a big deal of Ansari having to go bald la. It's ok. It's juz hair afterall and hair will grow. But the unfair-ness of it all. Sheeeesh.

Then might as well all the sergeants and officers and female (do u call them officers and sergeants too??) in SISPEC be made to go bald. That's what i call camaraderie and being fair.

Humph!

On a lighter note, my parents came home from work just in time for Dia and they bought bananas. 2 tandan pisang. I do not noe what type they were cos i asked my mom but she didnt noe...

Pisang Berangan?
Pisang Emas?
Pisang Raja?
Pisang Tanduk?

Ok ok. Not Pisang Raja or Pisang Tanduk cos they are the big ones. Actuali the mere mention of Pisang Raja got me thinking about a certain Anneh and now im just disgusted at myself.

So anyways... it was one of those small bananas. Not reali small. Not medium either. Somewhere in btwn. And then a certain someone had to ask me if the sizes of the bananas were... ummmm... the same...??

Ok. If u noe then u noe. If u dun, then it's ok. It's not smth that i wish to elaborate specifically on my blog.

Actuali i do like bananas. Seriously. I like them cos they are sweet and i can eat their seeds as well. And bananas make me shit so in actual fact they are good for my digestive system.

But of course i think banana juice is disgusting and i prefer having watermelon juice to any other fruit juice anytime. But i dun like eating watermelons cos i always get kinda irritated by those black seeds. I noe i wun die from swallowing them but i just cant help myself from getting irritated at the sight of them and i will always try my best to remove them and then i get fed-up and give up on eating watermelons.

Im aware that i just blogged about smth that was totally random and useless. Bleeeaaahhh.

Ok it juz rained and i swear if it continues to rain when i wake up, im so not going for my lecture and sleep in for another extra hour or so.

Can any of u tell from the way im blogging that i actuali have smth on my mind?? Yes. Smth. Just smth that i do not noe whether i shld mention about it on my blog or i shld just let a specific few noe or i shld just shut up completely about it.

Ok fine. I didnt do a good job at shutting myself up cos maybe 1 or 2 of u alreadi noe about it. Im just wondering if it'll be a good idea to actuali blog abt it??

Yes??
No??

Ok. I shall not go into details cos this time for a fact i noe some of u will either hit the roof, chide me, give me a good smack across the face, scream at me, get disgusted or worse still...

JUDGE ME

Actuali i just kinda finished confiding in Abg about it. U see... i have NEVER confided in Abg. Yes u read that right. NEVER. All these while i'll just either whine and complain or just drop the bombshell on him. Yeah. He was more of a listening ear. Ok sort of a confidante but not there yet.

U get what i mean??

Yes??
No??

Ok nvm. Just that tonite was the first time ever that i actuali confided in him and asked him if what i did was wrong. It was reali tough for me at first but just from 1 question, Abg was able to tell and actuali guided me along to express myself.

U see... ive been feeling guilty over smth. It's more of a guilty pleasure but nevertheless... it's GUILT. It was smth that i never saw myself doing maybe cos i thought i wasnt capable of doing it. It was smth that i didnt expect to happen. I kinda liked it but yet at the back of my mind i noe it was wrong of me to engage myself in, in the first place.

So i duno if wat i did was horribly wrong or if i went too far and i simply needed a male's point if view. A perspective from someone older than me. Ok. Abg is only 1 year older than me but i still think he was good enough for me to get an opinion from.

So the bottomline is... Abg said he wun judge me for it. Neither will he judge the other person connected to this issue. To him... as long as the limits and boundaries stay in tact, he will not put a stop to things. Just one word of advice:

"At any point if u feel u are going too far, just stop IMMEDIATELY"

I duno u noe. I felt a bit better a while ago after talking to Abg about it but now im feeling bad about it all over again. Sigh.

It sux engaging in some guilty pleasure cos it leaves u wanting more...
Should i??
Or should i not??

2/21/2006 02:06:00 AM